soy un perdedor* or, how to make a loser knit

There was some foreshadowing, I kind of knew this sweater wouldn't be a total success, from the very beginning actually.  Just so I don't make a career out of loser knits, I thought I would document my steps to making this really unflattering, and ultimately, loser knit of a sweater.  If I know (and you know) what the steps are, we can avoid them and all parties can be happy in the future.

1. Find a pattern.  Pick the pattern based on the color the sample is knit in.  Don't bother giving any thought to whether the sweater design is "you" or not (rustic?  sure, why not).  And while some styles of sweater construction look better on some people than others, totally disregard that.  If you like the color the sample is knit in, then hey, how bad could it be?

2. When you finally decide to knit the pattern, do a Google search to see what other people have said about the sweater and its design.  If they have anything negative to say, just disregard these statements of animosity towards the knit.  Keep thinking that "in your world, things are different."

3. Drape, what's that? Cables and lace?  Why bother with the details.  The fabric will still drape, the cables and lace will still be there, no matter what yarn you use, right?  Instead of buying yarn specifically for your project, decide that you are going to "stash bust."  Stash busting is great and all, but there are those who would suggest there is some strategy involved.  You should develop no plan of attack whatsoever, forget drape, don't worry about stitch definition of cables, and lace can totally be knit out of anything...totally.  Go back to step #1, just pick the color you like (I guess it does help if you have enough yardage, so do that, check the yardage...if you really want a loser, disregard yardage...but let's be practical).  Don't give any thought about yarn weight, as long as you "get gauge" (see next step), right ?  I mean so what if "a little heavier than worsted" translates to "chunky" for your purposes.  It's all good.

4. Don't do a gauge swatch/tension square.  Seriously, why bother, right?  That back is pretty much a square, knit some of it up and just measure that.  If you are not "getting gauge" decide what you want to do then...if you have already knit a good amount, you will probably keep going, and some people would say that is crazy, some not (I won't judge you).  (And yes, I actually did get gauge with the yarn...and the needles that I used.  Not that it mattered).

5. Work on the project while maintaining relationships with many other knits to really draw out the experience.  Every time you pick up the sweater, it will be like Christmas (or Hanukkah, or your birthday, etc...substitute accordingly).  Oh, and don't bother taking notes on where you left off.  It makes everything more fun that way...like an adventure.

6. When you have knit all the pieces, seam them all together, especially if the pattern tells you to do so.  Even if you made a mental note to soak (and effectively wash) the pieces to get rid of that mill-y oily smell, (which is great while you are knitting, but let's face it, smelling like machinery isn't everyone's bag).  That's right, seam that sweater with no blocking, like the directions might say, you can totally steam it later.

7. Don't bother finding an alternate seaming yarn.  Just use what you knit with, even if it is a) bulky, and especially if it b) breaks like nobody's business.  You will really enjoy weaving in all those ends, thus lengthening your experience with the sweater.  It'll be great.

8. Try on the sweater.  If it fits perfectly (which this sweater did, actually), pat yourself on the back, good job.  If it doesnt fit, start the process all over again (I am not an advocate of rippage, I leave that to your discretion...it's got to fit someone, right?)  with the same or different pattern, though I would do the opposite of these steps if it is success you are trying to achieve.  But if it fits... sniff it, smell that oily goodness?  Now would be the perfect time to give it a good soak and block it.

9.  When blocking the sweater, block aggressively (even if the sweater already fit perfectly).  Really get those stitches smooth and even.

10.  Put the sweater on again...realize that you over-blocked and just accept it.

11. If you are an archivist, librarian, or anyone who works in a temperature controlled environment where it is cold, take the sweater to work.  If it was knit with bulky yarn, it will come come in handy when its 40 degrees (F) inside (and 55 outside), and most people will be so impressed that you knit the sweater yourself, they won't even notice the tent-like effect of the finished knit on your person.

Sienna Cardigan

Pattern: by Ann E. Smith, Interweave Knits, fall 2006

Yarn: Beaverslide Dry Goods McTaggart Tweed, Autumn Licorice colorway, 4.75 hanks

Needles:  US 8/ 5.0 mm Circulars

Notions: 5 awesome Coconut buttons from Jo-Ann's (I know!) and 5 plastic-y buttons from the button box, origins unknown

Modifications: Yarn substiution, and to the sleeves by throwing in some ribbing on the end (or at the beginning) because the sweater seemed out of balance otherwise.  I count the sleeves as a success. 

I like the finished look of the sleeves, actually.  So does Little Sir.

So that was my road to making this loser knit.  Maybe it is not completely a loser, but it isn't a complete winner either.  And though I don't LOVE it.  I kind of like it.  It's warm, it's functional, and hey, the color is pretty.  It screams fall to me. 

I will tell you what I do love.  I love this yarn.  Love it.  When I bought the yarn, I bought it just because I liked the color.  It is so deliciously orange.  Beaverslide makes excellent yarn (and customer service is excellent), but the McTaggart Tweed line is very different from their other stuff.  It is tweed, it is gorgeous, it is kind of bulky... and it breaks.  Jen knows of what I speak.  Even though I was aware of the breaky-breaky nature of the yarn, I used it to seam anyway.  Sometimes, I am stupid.  I should have found something else, but I didn't feel like going through the process of color matching and I was just being lazy.  I think Jared has the right idea about this yarn.  Knit something EZ inspired and save yourself the heartache.

The yarn doesn't really highlight the cute little cable and lace combo so much...but it is a tweedy bulky yarn, to have expected that it would, well again...stupid.  I like the buttons though, so does Little Sir. 

I used a tip from Pam and backed each button with another button to give it some stability.  She is smart, that Pam.

I am not sure why I blocked the sweater so aggressively, but I did.  Pre-blocking, it actually looked passably decent.  Now there is a weird, slightly off-putting, "front butt"  effect (phrase taken from Pam, again she is a smart one) that isn't so flattering on a woman who still weighs what she did the day she walked out of the hospital after her kid was born.  So the fit, it's not the most flattering.  And, this sweater has done what I thought was kind of impossible, it makes me appear borderline flat-chested, not that I am looking to highlight any sort of assets or anything.  There is something to be said for drape, I guess.

Having said all that I have (which is a lot, some would say too much), I am glad that I made the sweater and I am glad I went through this process, because I did learn that I am worth the trouble that I go through for other people when knitting for myself.  When I knit Special K's sweater, I did all sorts of measurements, research on yarn, test swatching.  The end result was desired and pretty great (if I do say so myself).  Why mess with Texas? 

And as much of a loser as I think this sweater is (which admittedly, it's not that bad....just a little loser-ish), I am going to get a lot of wear out of it (I am trying to combat my innate defeatism and be silver lining-ish, at least today).  I might wear it to Rhinebeck this Saturday.  Huh, I knit a Rhinebeck sweater without any intention of doing so... Well, go, me.  So yes, if you are there at Rhinebeck, that woman wearing the the sweater knit with that awesome orange-red yarn, that's me.

* I kept humming this when I worked on this sweater.  I encourage the humming of this song while working on any knit you think will be less than successful, but that you are determined to finish anyway.  Embrace it.

Comments

[Lisa]

I think the sweater looks great! Just like you said - a good, serviceable fall sweater! Love the color on you.

[kathy]

I could only hope for a winner that looks as good as your loser. Okay, I get all the drape, baggy, not-like-the-model comments, but really? The detailing is beautiful and the color is awesome. I can imagine wonderful autumn walks with Little Sir... he'll think you are a giant fall leaf... well not giant... I mean, not a normal sized leaf.

Actually, my favorite picture of the sweater is of Little Sir holding your hand... that there is adoration on his face!

And Rhinebeck?!?!? My name is Jealousy!

[Jan]

Loser!? I think it looks gorgeous! The yarn is lovely and the color is edible! Maybe it just doesn't match the ideal picture in your mind? When I look at it, I see beauty!

[Sara]

oooh! I love that color! I think i need to make that sweater!! (j/k) :-)

[ann]

I think it looks great -- it might not look like how you'd envisioned it, but the sweater you ended up with is lovely and rustic and orangey. Look forward to meeting you at Rhinebeck!

[Beth]

Thanks for the laugh! Youngest Boy kept asking me what was so funny.

The sweater may have a loser quality to it (and I know of which you speak) but it really is rather nice. The color is beautiful and it looks like the kind of sweater that could almost function as a jacket.

Next time you'll have to really take the time to make yourself something truly beautiful. You really are worth it.

[Kirsten]

That is a delicious tweedy-orangey yarn, desipite its propensity to breakage.
I love the photo where Little Sir is looking up at you so lovingly!

[jess]

Heh. It doesn't look like a loser knit from here, but I totally know what you mean (looking at my own sweaters that I've knit). :)

BTW, I knit this sweater for my mom in rowan ASC, added waist shaping, added an all-over simple texture pattern... and it works on her I think (http://www.fiberfetishist.com/?p=436). I think the biggest problem with the pattern is that it doesn't have any waist shaping and it's a heavy worsted yarn. Those simple decreases / increases at the waist make such a huge difference!

[Theresa]

That's a great description and analysis of sweater knititng, and how many factors go into it. Food for thought, even if it does drape strangely. Still good for fall . . .

[Bea]

Well, even if you don't like it, it still looks pretty good! And if you're holding Lil' Sir, no one will even notice :) Even if I'm wearing a dirty, hole-y t-shirt, ripped jeans, no makeup and messy hair, and I'm holding Robby, nobody even notices me :P They just ooh and aah over the baby, BTW, I don't think Lil' Sir could be any cuter! And I totally agree with you about the Beaverslide, I LOVE their yarn!

[Vicki]

It looks wonderful, Nova! Terrific color, and really nice work. I read about the loveliness of Beaverslide more and more...

[Opal]

Oh no. I think you've just earwormed me. *eek* And? So not a loser knit.

[Loribird]

I don't think it's a loser either; a bit boxy, but not unattractive at all. That color is indeed awesome - and I love Beaverslide too.
If you think it's too tent-like, block it again, but stretch the body down to make it longer and skinnier - perhaps that would help? It's a shame to work with yarn you love and not love the sweater it becomes.

[JulieFrick]

Fabulous, funny post!

[earthchick]

Drape-schmape. Who needs drape when you have orange-y, tweedy, cable-y goodness? I think it looks fabulous (and very fall). I totally understand the disappointment of making a sweater that doesn't fit the way you wanted it too, but in the case of a cardigan, I think you can totally make it work. Sounds like you will be getting lots of use out of it.

Love the pic of Little Sir holding your hand and looking up at you.

[Jill]

Thanks for posting this. I currently have a loser sweater to post about and I think I hit every step you mention. And I also knew it was going to be a loser the entire time. At least I now have a warm fall sweater to wear over p.j's and running errands. I do really like the colour of your sweater and I think it makes a good Saturday morning errand sweater.

[Kristy]

You've inspired me to make my own loser knit! Just kidding-- I've already figured that one out. I refused to post pics of me in it, so you get extra points for bravery.

The color is so nice that I can see how it might cloud your judgment in other areas.

[Barb]

Aah, denial. Causes trouble everytime. But your sweater looks great. I do love the color and that Beaverslide is wonderful stuff and will be so snuggly when it gets cold.

[Stella]

Oh you make me laugh, Nova.

I agree -- not really that loser-ish at all. The drape isn't ideal, I suppose, but it's still cute and cozy. And that color really is fab. I'd fall for it too.

[whitney]

This post totally cracked me up (which, believe me, is exactly what I needed after my last few days).

But hey, for a loser knit, it doesn't look half bad. Pretty cute, even. And that yarn, such a perfect orange!

Maybe this is the inspiration I need to finish my own Sienna!

[Heather]

Am I a freak for loving this sweater??? I love it, seriously!

[tiennie]

I honestly think this looks great! I love this color for fall!

[stacey]

I do love the color and thanks for the tip about not seaming with Beaverslide!

Too bad about the whole sweater though - maybe you will grow to love it?

[yaiAnn]

Not a winner, not a loser, but you sure are much wiser from completing this project. That's what I love about knitting and crafting in general. Nothing is every going to come out perfect. But you sure do learn a lot in the process. I like to think about it as taking it for the team. Every loser (or not quite loser in this case), guarantees more perfect knits in the future.

[Jen]

Oh, I think it makes a nice "rake the leaves" sweater, myself. so it's not an absolute perfect fit. I bet, like you said, it's snugly and serves its purpose. Thanks for the link, by the way. I think I just got lucky doing a top-down sweater in this wool so I won't have to deal with seaming. Of course there's the matter of the lack of drape and the fact that my sweater, too, has a collar. hah hah!

Oh, and I love that song! It reminds me of the summer it was a big hit--I was waitressing that summer (I was in college) and the dishwashers would constantly sing it. There's nothing like dishwashers singing at the top of the lungs that they're losers.